Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
