Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
