office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
