Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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