I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
