Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
