My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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