I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
