you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
