I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
