So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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