I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize