I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
