i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
