I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We have so much sex to catch up on
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
