I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
