he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
