Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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