I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
