just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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