i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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