so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
