I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
