I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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