I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
did i walk over a car last night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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