those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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