I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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