I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
