i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
