I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
