I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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