I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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