is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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