Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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