So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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