I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
