Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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