I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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