You were right. It hurts to walk today.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
