i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize