He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
