people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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