His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
