i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize