U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
