Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
