I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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