i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
