Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
