thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
