last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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