Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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