Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
