So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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