I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
