I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
