alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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