We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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