he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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