Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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