we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
