and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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