Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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