I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
