Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
