I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
