She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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