Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
