Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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