I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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