do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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