You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
