guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm passing your future prison.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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