i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
