ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
