Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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