Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
