I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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