Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
