Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize