I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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