I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
