How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize