The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
