She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
