i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Small penises have feelings too.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
