You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
