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Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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