So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You're like the curious george of whores
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
