So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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