didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
