Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
