I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize