U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
