Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
