no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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