his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
