And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This house was built for laser tag.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think my moral compass just broke
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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