lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
