Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
