I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
