Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
