If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize