i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
