I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize