We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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